My Journey With Toxic Perfectionism & Design
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For a long time, perfectionism wasn't just a part of my design process—it was the driving force behind it. My obsession with every minute detail consumed me, and I found myself sinking deeper into an unhealthy cycle. I was constantly tweaking, overanalyzing, and stressing to the point where it began to affect my overall well-being.
01
Identifying the Problem
I’ll never forget the first design-triggered panic attack I had. I was working on a website for a hair salon. The site was complete, but something in my brain switched and suddenly, I hated everything. I’d already gotten my client’s approval on the design, and launch time was quickly approaching, so I couldn’t touch it, and it was absolutely eating at me. So panic ensued, and so did a months-long cycle of stress and burnout.
Months later, I was in the process of redesigning my brand. I really wanted to go balls-to-the-wall during this process, so I’d paused all inquiries (and all outside life) until my rebrand was done. After weeks & weeks of constant (and I mean ‘eyes open ‘til eyes shut’ constant) work on this project, my savings were dwindling, and I was running out of time and resources to continue with this rebrand break. Despite this, I was still all-consumed with perfecting my new brand and site. I was so hyper-focused, I let my life, well… completely fall apart. Yet still, the source of my anxiety wasn’t my collapsing life outside of this rebrand, it was the absolute terror I had launching something that wasn’t absolutely perfect, and I would have done, and nearly did, absolutely anything to avoid it.
I was nearly done with my rebrand when the comparison started setting in. I started looking at other designers’ work, other designers’ sites… and suddenly, like months before, everything I’d spent weeks designing was absolute shit. So, I started tweaking. And tweaking. And endlessly tweaking, until my brand was nothing short of an iota of my own. Because it felt so far from my original design, my own work, I could objectively look at the brand and site and acknowledge the beauty it held. But at what cost? So, I closed my laptop, halted my launch, and took a much-needed hiatus from design.
Looking back, it's clear that my relentless pursuit of perfection was not just about creating exceptional work; it was about grappling with an inner struggle to meet my own greatly unrealistic standards of myself. The truth is, this obsession was less about the pursuit of excellence, and more about an unhealthy fixation on flaws and failures. The constant need to control every aspect of my work was draining, and it took a major toll on my mental, emotional, and physical health.
02
Steps To Recovery
Recognizing that my perfectionism was harming both my creativity and my well-being was the first crucial step. I realized I needed to make significant changes to my approach if I was going to continue following this passion. So during my design hiatus, I identified a few key things lacking in my general routine, and devised a plan to get myself back on track.
STEP 01: ESTABLISH STRUCTURE
For a very long time, work was pretty much the only focus of my day. I’d often neglect to eat, take care of my daily chores, talk to my friends, family, or partner, or take care of my body. This, obviously, took a major toll on all aspects of my health, especially mental. I’d basically become a work robot, totally self-forgetting in the process. When I first began my hiatus, I literally didn’t know what to do with myself. My laptop was all I had known for months, and months, and months, and now that I had forbidden myself from touching it, creating a routine was absolutely imperative to keep me sane. I started making my breakfast in the morning, minding my self care, going on daily walks, playing with my dog, hanging out with my friends, making intentional time for my relationship, and slowly, the clouds started to part. Life felt a little brighter, a little lighter. I felt my confidence start to return. Once this structure felt like a routine, I started to pick back up my laptop— but this time, there HAD to be rules.
STEP 02: WORK-LIFE BALANCE
I have a habit of getting into a never-ending flow state. When I’m focused, girl, I’m locked in. But, obviously, this sunrise-to-sunset sort of work routine obviously doesn’t work for me (or anyone). I had to start implementing boundaries for myself and sticking to them. So here’s the routine I established for myself— Wake up at 8AM, coffee and (healthy!) breakfast around 8:15AM, start work at 9AM, take lunch & get ready break at 12PM, snack or stretch break at 2:30PM, then LAPTOP SHUT at 5PM— NON-NEGOTIABLE. Working until I shut my nightstand lamp off was no longer gonna cut it.
Although it’s such a simple change, taking these breaks has kept me from entering those all-encompassing, hyper-focus spirals that debilitate my design process so deeply.
STEP 03: ESCAPE THE COMPARISON TRAP
The next imperative step was addressing my comparison problem. It had become such a problem for me that I genuinely couldn’t design something without first scrolling through Pinterest to find inspiration. My own personal style was completely clouded. Since picking back up design, I've made a conscious effort to avoid looking at other designers’ work, even that of those I admire. I try to stick to stories on Instagram to stay updated and connect with my fellow designers, and I’ve cut down to topic-only Pinterest browsing. While I still research design trends to stay informed about the evolving market, I no longer let other designers' work overshadow my own creativity. Bigger than that— I believe my comparison stems from my own insecurity, and while it’s still a battle, I work everyday to recognize the beauty in my own unique perspective and style. What’s the point in creating if you’re not bringing something new to the table?
03
In Conclusion…
Toxic perfectionism is genuinely such a challenging hurdle to overcome, but acknowledging its impact on my design process has been truly life-changing. By adopting healthier habits, setting boundaries, and working everyday to hone my personal style, I've managed to foster a more balanced and fulfilling approach to design. It's not about eliminating the pursuit of quality—it's about approaching it in a way that nourishes rather than depletes my creativity and well-being.
If you find yourself struggling with similar issues, please know that you're not alone. Embracing imperfection and focusing on what truly matters (following your passion, and helping others do the same) can lead to a more authentic, and ultimately satisfying creative journey. The most beautiful designs come from a place of balance and self-compassion, rather than unattainable perfection.
